Saturday, October 4, 2008

Happy Birthday, Mommy

Let me be the first to say, "Happy Birthday!". Time certainly has passed quickly. Not easily, but quickly. I had no idea that I could miss you so much. I miss the regular, mundane , everyday things that we used to share. Stupid work stuff, funny things that Madison, Gabe, and usually Eli did or said. I miss you keeping me straight, making sure I was getting draws in on time, I miss you telling me I needed life insurance (don't worry, I'm working on it. No, really!). I miss Thanksgiving Day on General Conference Sunday.

Everybody here is doing well. Dad's doing well. He's learning things I never thought he'd figure out; he's even paying his own bills! I wish Meg could tell you what a life- changing Birthday she had. I'm so proud of her. When she came over tonight I don't know if she's ever given me such a tight squeeze. The kids are all growing up so fast. Madison has a piano recital coming up, it's just like old times, hearing the same songs over and over. And over. But in a good way. I'm sure you know what I mean. Gabe finished up his BMX season with a second place, his highest ever. I was so proud I cried a little. At the track. How embarrassing. Eli is full of more mischief than any one kid should be allowed. And I love it. A couple of Sunday's ago he wanted some milky during Sacrament Meeting, and I told him if he wanted it he would have to walk home to get it. So he did.

I am thankful for my trials, but it doesn't mean I necessarily have to like them. But in the months since your passing, I've already seen tremendous growth. Growth in me personally, and growth in all of us as a family. I miss Jill and Keli's families like crazy. I think we are exponentially closer than a year ago. Man, I love that. I think the void left in your passing we are trying to fill with love and unity, and it's making us better people. Thanks, Mom, for that. For the record, I'd still rather have you back and forget all this spiritual growth stuff. I find myself calling the office (yes, the office where I work) just to hear your voice on the message. I miss your voice. I even try to sing the alto parts of the hymns because it reminds me of how you sing. You do still get to sing, I bet.

I'm so glad I still feel you so close. I love to feel your presence when I'm biking. I don't think it's so much that you like biking, per se, (although the thought of you on a mountain bike makes me giggle a bit), but you always knew how much I love it. I got a new bike today, and if you were still here I'm sure you'd listen intently while I told you all about it, not having a clue what I was talking about. Trust me, it's super cool (are you listening still? Thought so.).

I hope birthdays in heaven are fabulous, because you deserve the best. I miss you like crazy, we all do. The world is a little less bright without you in it. But I'm sure it makes heaven that much brighter. I'm okay with that, because I know that is how it was meant to be. I love you, mommy, I always will.

10 comments:

Keli said...

Wow. Awesome. You definitely have a gift with words, dear brother. And you've been holding out on us this whole time.

You're right, though. I would give up all the growth and learning in one second if I could have her back. But maybe that's why she had to leave us. Maybe.

I love you.

The Williams Family said...

You Noorda's make me cry every time I read this :) I'm glad that you are all doing so well! Have a happy conference Sunday!!

Larissa said...

Wow, is right! Even Troy's words make us all cry. What a sweet letter to your mom. I hope and pray that my boys (and girl) love me like that when they are almost 38 years old! It's amazing! Thanks for sharing with all of us.

Anonymous said...

Hard Day!!! Beautifully said Troy. I miss you mom like crazy. It's an empty feeling that nothing can fill. I'm glad you're all hanging in there. Keep up the good work. Love, Suz

Jill Johnson said...

That is why you are the only boy. Nobody could compete with that. I love the things you said. My kids keep saying they wish Nunn could visit every other month. then we could tell her all the things they are up to. Thank you for the good reminders. I love you.

Meg said...

Thank you Troy. That was so beautiful. There are so many things I want to tell her, but I know she already knows them. I know she is with my constantly, and is helping me through each and every day. She is with you too, and probably thinks your bike is bitchin. :)

Sherry said...

I love reading all of your family's entries on the blog. You all are awesome! I think I am in the same boat with Paula when it comes to new bikes and all their wonderful details...I just agree enthusiastically and say it's cool! You should get a ride together with Jeff. He'd like that.

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LaNell said...

I feel a little like an intruder reading your blog, but I read a post on NieNie that mentioned your blog "Cancer Sucks" and had to take a peek. Eight years ago I discovered that "Chemo sucks!"
Before that time I had forbidden my children to use the word "sucks" but it seemed like the only word that could describe how I felt about chemo and cancer. The other nasty "c word". I applaud your families courage to write your feelings. I was not able to do that. I didn't want to remember how awful I felt. I still don't. I was too scared. Cancer robbed me of my innocence and I will never take life for granted. However, I have been blessed. My oncologist now calls me a survivor, for which I am grateful.

I share your faith and am thankful for eternal families. I too lost my mother. It's been 18 months and I miss her very much. A thousand little things remind me of her. What a blessing to have sweet memories. My father died 18 years before her and I still miss him. The ache has lessened with time, but not the memories or the feeling of security I have because I am their daughter and am loved by them.

Thank you for letting me peek. I've been a little blue anticipating decorating the Christmas tree without Mom's help. It will be okay though because this year my son is back from his mission and he can help. That seems to be the way of life, lots of changes, and always something to look forward to, even if it's not exactly the way you planned it!

Heavenly Father will help fill the void you have with memories to cherish. Each trial brings it's own blessings if we turn to Heavenly Father with faith. It seems that each of you is doing that. With time those blessings will become more apparent.

Take care of your dad for your mom.

manojob said...

A very Heart touching article.

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