Wednesday, July 23, 2008

It Aint Easy

This is tough, writing some discouraging thoughts after such a high of wonderful days. Mom was doing so well. We thought the steroids were the magic potion. And really, they were, at least for 3 or 4 days. It got her feeling well enough, and strong enough, to make the trek up north, where they had a great time. But the last night, things got pretty scary. Mom declined, and quickly. Meg was there, and thank goodness she was. She was able to stay near mom's side while dad drove home as quickly as he could. It's a good 8 hour drive in a car, and in the motorhome, it's definitely more than that. I think they made it home in just over 8 hours. Go dad.

When they arrived, we had the downstairs den ready for her, since we knew there was no way she could make it up the stairs. Problem is, she hates that den. It was her office for so many years while my dad and her ran the business out of the house. Then it got turned in to Jill's room, when she moved to Las Vegas and needed a place to stay when they came to visit. After the basement got finished, and Jill and clan could crash down there, it became the dog room. I don't think any of those situations have great memories for my mom, I know she absolutely hates the dogs, so there was no way she was taking that room as her own. She mustered up all the strength she had, which wasn't much, and she made it up the stairs.

The last few days we've spent caring for her as much as we can. We had to take her to LDS for another procedure on the Biliary Tubes, and it went much more smoothly than the last one, and she does feel better thanks to that. But she is very, very weak. Although she is still as spunky as ever.

It's so frustrating for us kids to see such highs and lows. I think the words we all think but don't want to say out loud are that we wonder when the highs will end. Every time one does, we wonder if that was it. I don't think this is it, just in case you were wondering. But that doesn't make it any less difficult. One thing that keeps us going is having each other. We were thinking that we've basically been living all together, including our kids, for the last 6 weeks. I don't think there has been one time that we've even gotten annoyed with anyone. Besides the kids, of course. What a blessing! And to see how each of us brings our own special talent and role to the family is truly a gift. The Lord definitely knew that we would need each other, and has prepared us for this.

We are so thankful to all the friends that have visited, written letters, sent gifts, flowers, and food, (especially the food!). The fan mail is so fun to read. Some have come from all across the country, and from people Mom hasn't seen in years. It's amazing the impact she has had. Some fan mail even comes anonymously. I personally think they just forgot to sign the card, maybe because that's totally something I would do, but I'm sure it's people that just need to say what they need to say, and not get any recognition for it. So if you're reading this, thank you, anonymous letter writers.

Again, thank you for the wonderful comments. Mom gets to read the blog via BlackBerry, and she loves it.


Nikkipicky said...

It's strange how life changes...we never know what it will be from one day to the next. We just have to find the joy and peace we can in each and every moment. Who knows why we have the trials we do, is it the trials we go through and how we deal with them that define us, are they to make us grow stronger, I wish I knew. I've heard it said we have to know the sorrow to know happiness, we have to taste the bitter to recoginize the sweet. Is this true, sometimes I wonder? Someday maybe we all will know. As a matter of fact I'm sure we will.

Noteable: I remember the night my mom got sick and passed away, I was asleep in my room and heard a noise, I jumped out of bed and ran to my parents room to hear my dad call 911 saying my mom was having trouble breathing. He told me to wait on the porch and watch for the ambulance. Not a minute went by and here came Ralph Glad. Then the ambulance. I ran downstairs to wake my sisters and when we came upstairs I will never forget who was there to wait with us and comfort us. Your mom was there to put her arms around me and sit with me on the couch. Nikki Glad was there to do the same for my sisters.

We are told we will never be asked to bear more than we can handle. And when what we have to bear seems to be just too much, Heavenly Father puts in our path someone who can give the support and love we need, someone to share our burden. Your mom was this someone for me, just as each of you are that someone for each other. Hold tight to each other. Love you guys.

(I promise a funny lighthearted noteable for next time, this memory just seemed fit) :)

The Williams Family said...

Hi Paula! You looked Great in the picture with Danny and his " Golden Eagle Pass" for Yellowstone!! I just wanted to drop a quick note to let you know that Kirk has been looking endlessly everyday for a CD or Tape with Kenny Rogers "Through the Years". I found it for him on the internet and he sat and practiced it. Then he finally found the old cassette tape, and Pam put it in the tape player in the car and rewound it, and it rewound it so fast that it ripped the tape right off of the spool. You could tell Kirk was mad, because after all of the looking, he had finally found the tape. He told Pam not to play it, but you know Pam...always trying to help!! Anyway, he broke out some scotch tape and somehow fixed the tape up, so he will be able to listen to it in his work truck, since we all know he pretty much lives in there. He wants it to be perfect when he sings it for you!!
I think about you everyday, and I check this blog everytime I see that someone has written an update. Isn't the internet great? I hope that the docs still have a handle on your pain, and that you're not feeling too much. Sounds like no matter how you're feeling, you always have a great attitude!! Keep up the fight :)
Melissa Williams

Anonymous said...

"Guests of my life,
You came in the early dawn, and you in the night.
Your name was uttered by the Spring flowers and yours by the showers of rain.
You brought the harp into my house and you brought the lamp.
After you had taken your leave I found God's footprints on the floor.

-Rabindranath Tagore

As Nikki noted that your mother was there when her mom passed, so too are those that will be there for you returning those "footprints".

I love you, and pray more the normal for you. gette

Laura said...

I'm so happy you have had wonderful up's together and my heart breaks for you with all the hard down's. You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Every time I talk to someone in the Ward they ask how you are doing. I know you are in so many different people's prayers.

Anonymous said...

Your Angel in the Sky

I felt your love each and every day
I’ve got my wings from Heaven above,
Now I’ll keep you safe and share my love.
When tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I’m right here in your heart.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time you think of me
I know you’ll miss me too.
God didn’t take me cause he’s mad,
He didn’t send me to make you sad.
But to give us both a chance to be
A love so precious…don’t you see?
Until the day you join me here,
I’ll love you dear.
Each breeze you feel and see,
Will bring love and kisses from me,
When tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand,
That an Angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand.
I know no matter where you’ll be
You will hold me in your memory.
Nothing but time will help these days go by.
You just need to remember,
I’m your angel in the sky…

grannybabs said...

You are all going through some very life-changing experiences. Hopefully the sorrow is being tempered by the growth you are experiencing as a result.

You all seem to be handling things very well - you are in our thoughts and prayers - and that seems to help you also.

I've never even met your mom but I feel like I'd know her if I passed her on the street!!

We love you all!!

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