Have you ever looked at the life of someone you know with cancer? Sometimes in the past, I would see women undergoing chemo, and they seemed so empowered. They seemed to have some inner strength that radiated from within. I've read books about people with cancer, and they sit and have long, meaningful talks all the day. They say all the right things, and make insights about life and death. They were suddenly smarter and more patient, and more loving than ever before. I thought it was because they had a cause to fight for. And then the Lance Armstrong thing came along. I still wear my Yellow bracelet to fight the cause. Now there's an Olympic swimmer that has cancer, and he's putting off surgery until after the games. How brave.
But Cancer isn't all Epiphanies and Activism.
Cancer sucks.
I've likened Cancer unto Bass Fishing. Not from personal experience of course, since I haven't been fishing since I was like 10. I think I was with the Hales' at Scofield. I distinctly remember "milking" one of the fish we caught. I was forever traumatized. If that wasn't you, Hales', I apologize for my bad memory. I digress. Bass fishing. You know how it is. You have a boat, and a beer or two, and of course a boat motor that is bigger than your actual boat. You have to really speed along the water to get to where those fish are biting. It's a lot of hurry up and wait. Do you see where I'm going with this whole "likening" thing? Good, because I'm lacking in word power to pound out the specifics for you right now.
We hurry. We hurry to the doctor's office. And then we wait. We hurry to the pharmacy for the latest pain med regiment. And then we wait. We hurry up for family prayer each night, and pray for a miracle, and we are still waiting. But within those times of waiting, things do happen. Remember those beers we brought along? Let's make those Diet Pepsi. Yeah, we drink a lot of that. We surf the net on our BlackBerry's. We look at the sea urchins in the fish tank, and that reminds us of our awesome Girl's Trip to Seattle last September. Then we start remembering all the funny things mom has done and said on our girl's trips. And then we are reminded that our memory will have to do from now on. If only there was some way to record her voice, and to mimic her hand gestures. If only there was some way to keep her here forever. But we just wait.
And wait.
And wait.........
9 comments:
That was an awesome post Keli!
We taped my father a lot! I listen to it now and it takes me back. I am in it is some spots and I just sound like the saddest girl of all time. Beautiful post! The waiting is hard, hold on to every minute, get mad at the docters that are stupid and thank the ones that bless your family (yes there are two kinds of docters). Praying with you guys daily!
Georgette Butterfield Vent
"An individual doesn't get cancer, a family does."
Terry Tempest Williams
Loves family,
Georgette Butterfield Vent
Isn't it ironic how life seems to be all about the waiting. Waiting to be old enough to go to school, waiting to be old enough to drive and date. Waiting to finish school, waiting to find our perfect mate. Waiting to have kids. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for prayers to be answered, when sometimes the answer isn't what we are really waiting for. Whose idea was all this waiting?!
Noteable. This one a funny memory for me, maybe not so much for Troy. I remember sometime in middle school, Troy had a COW (crush of the week)for my friend Kelli Bland. Anyway one night after we had all been hanging out he kissed her. BUT she was much taller than him so he jumped up and gave her a quick kiss. I mean his feet actually left the ground. LOL!! I have never laughed so hard. (later) I am sure I teased him about it too! Funny Troy must have always had a thing for Kelli's.
"Where there is great love, there are always miracles."
Willa Cather
Keli this might be funny/weird. But a friend casted her mother's hands before she passed away. She said she always wanted to remember her hands and they made tons of videos with her! My mother-in-law (Jan) sends her prayers. She was shocked when Trev told her about your family.
I have thought about the four of you so much the last few weeks. My computer went on the blitz but I am now back in business. Your mom (my Aunt Paula) is truly one of the most gentle women I know. I call my mom often for updates and we cry and remember together. Please know that all of you are in my and my family's constant prayers. I'm here if you need anything (including a child's menu JILL :)
Much Love, Anne
Thanks a lot. You just made me cry at Del Taco! Great wordsmithing, as usual. BTW, I meant to kiss Kelli B on the side of the head, chicks dig that sort of thing!
People should read this.
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